Just missing him. I can't get over the painful, surreal quality of life now. I can't handle that each day I wake up takes me further from his physical presence. I know he's ok... "in a better place"... But I want him here. I want him to realize his potential and get to see the fruits of all of the work he had put into his life. I want him to fall in love and become a father. I want to go back to thinking that if you do all the right things, your life will go as you planned. I HATE this shattered new life. I hate this fractured shadow of a person I've become. I hate that this does define me no matter how hard I fight for it not to. I'm a dead kid's mom. And because of that, I have such a hard time being my living kid's mom. There is nothing left in me. I don't feel like a real person anymore. Seen this on compassionate friends website, couldn't have said it any better myself, exactly how I feel. MISS YOU JP xxxxxxx