Hi J.P. sorry about the other night, I just couldn't pull myself together I am so fed up of trying to keep up this pretense that I am ok when all I really want to do is scream at the world and tell them I'm not ok that I miss my son and I will never be ok again, how can I be when I have part of me missing, when I feel like my heart has been torn apart. Life is just really hard at the moment and I don't know if I can find the strength anymore, I just wish I wasn't here, I know that sounds bad but I'm fed up feeling like this and it doesn't get easier, as time goes on it seems to get harder it is so long since you left and I miss you, I know I should be grateful that I have Christian, Dean, Arlene and the kids and I am but it doesn't make up for you not being here. I know I am going to have to pull myself together but I don't seem to be able to at the moment. You know I think about you and miss you every day. Love you son, Mum xxx.