Hi Son, sorry I haven't been on for a while but I ave been trying to get this house sorted before the builders start, I am absolutely knackered and as usual no help from anyone I had a big fall out with them last week but it just goes right over Deans' head he just doesn't seem to care, I am in so much pain at the moment and I really don't know how much longer I can cope with it, Christian and Arlene have said they will help more but we will have to wait and see if they don't I just won't be here it is just getting to hard, I just don't see the point of living my life like this why stay somewhere when you have no pleasure left, I know that sounds selfish cause I have my family around me but when they make you feel like they don't care it makes you ask why should you stay here, living in constant pain for people who couldn't care less, I know they say they do but actions speak louder than words and I don't see them. when you died I wanted to go with you then but I felt I had a responsibility to stay here, but I really don't feel I have that anymore they are all adults and are all independant. Sorry for going on son but I cannot get all these thoughts out of my head it just keeps going round and round 24hrs a day, just not finding much pleasure in life at the moment. I'm going to see a neurologist soon hopefully he will be able to give me something that will help with the constant pain, maybe then I won't feel so down, Love you loads Baby, miss you son, Love MUM xxxx