Hi JP, well finally the builders are starting tomorrow and would you believe the rain is back, beginning to wonder if this extension is if going to be done. Went to the cenotaph today it was so cold and the turn out was really poor, I wasn't going to go because I knew I would not manage to walk with the parade but felt really guilty because I have not missed it since the year you left, so Christian took me in just for the service I missed not walking with the parade but I just could not walk that far just now "sorry". Went to the remembrance concert on Thursday your aunt Janis was supposed to be going put changed her mind at the last minute so went on my own which I found really hard, got myself in a bit of a state when the piper played Flowers of the Forest usually I am ok but I think being there on my own it just all got too much, finding it really hard to hold things together recently think probably because I am not able to get out much and spending so much time on my own, gives me too much time to think and that is not good, Christy was back at hospital she had to have blood tests but thank god everything is ok, she just never seems to get a break it is just one thing after another with her. I relly must try and get some more work done on my journal but I just don't know if I can cope with it at the moment, I know I keep saying I will but every time I log on to do it I read what I have already written and that starts me off again and I just log off again, I am going to have to pull myself together because I want it up to date, maybe one day it will be something the other three will read and hopefully it will help them understand why I couldn't be the mother I should have been, why I changed so much after you died and they might realise the pain I have lived with since that day, the fear I have of ever having to deal with anything like that again. Well son I am of to bed now I will have to be up early for the builders in the morning, I will speak to you soon, by the way put your poppies at the grave today. Miss you son, Mum xxxx Love You