I have written twice tonight already and managed to lose them both my head is so wasted. I really hate this time of year I'm so sad that I have to go to a grave on Christmas day to pay my respects to you, you are my son you should be here! I'm also sad that someone here who says he cares about me can't even find the time to phone, let alone send me a Christmas card, but then that's nothing new.He promised to make more of an effort but that does not seem to be happening, I just wish he could realise how much it hurts me when he treats me like this, it is not as if I ask much of him. I dont think it is intentional "because I know deep down he is a good man" I think it just that his life is so busy he doesn't realise how much I miss him "he was my soulmate and I miss that" I know things changed when I became ill and I can't blame him as I'm quite sure he does not need another invalid to contend with. I would rather he was honest with me and just told me if he doesn't want to stay in touch. I also went to see your gran today she is such a poor soul she does not even know who we are anymore. It would be a blessing if she just slipped away but unfortunately her mind is so tormented but her body is still strong it is such a shame to watch her. Son tell your friend Christian that we all send our love tell him his mum misses him so much. J.P.you know how much I love and miss you I'll speak to you soon. All my love, mum xxx.