Hi son,haven't been on for a few days,been feeling like crap, went and done some work in Chritians new flat a week ago absolutely knackered myself I just can't except that I can't do the things that I used to, I just didn't like to say no to him as he never asks me to do anything for him, but I really think my days of decorating are over I have not felt pain like that for a while. This illness really gets me down sometimes, it makes me feel like an old woman before my time. Anyway son it will be Deans 21st in a couple of weeks don't know how I'm going to deal with that it was bad enough when the other two turned 21 but Dean is the baby, I just wonder where that places you in the order of the family you were my first born and yet in a few weeks the others will all be older than you, I just can't get my head round that. You know son that you were my first and for that reason you and I will always have that special bond, you were the first thing in my life that truely made me happy when that Irish nurse handed you to me for the first time I can still remember that feeling like it was yesterday I had never felt emotion like that in my life the love I felt for you was overwhelming I just cried with joy. I remember saying to the nurse about you being so wrinkled and quiet blue, but she assured me it was because it was such a long delivery so she took you away to the nursery just to have you checked over, I didn't see you again till the morning about 7hrs later, they wheeled you in and left you at the side of the bed I remember looking at you and rang for the nurse she asked me what was wrong and I told her she had brought me the wrong baby, she checked your wrist band and assured me that I had the right baby, I couldn't believe it the last time I saw you you were this wrinkled blue baby with a squashed face and now just 7hrs later you were absolutely beautiful, with your mass of black hair and dark skin you were a typical Italian baby, everybody used to say what a beautiful baby you were I was so proud to be your mum. And that has never changed even though there were times when you were growing up that you really tested my patience there was always a soft spot in my heart just for you, even more so now, I just wish we'd had more time, but that wasn't to be. Love you son, miss you every minute of every day. Mum xxx.