Hi Son, well that is another christmas day almost over, that is now 15 without you and they really don't get any easier, I get so angry that all I can do for my child on christmas day is to put flowers on your grave, I know they say life goes on and in a way it does but not in the same way it used to, yes i live my life on a day to day basis, and today I made dinner for all the family and we all had a nice day, the kids were great I don,t know what I would do without them they really lighten my heart but no matter how much joy and laughter they bring nothing can take that feeling of guilt away when we are all together as a family and you are not there, today the music channel was on and the kids were singing along with the songs, as you probably now they both love to sing, they know all the words of all the latest songs, then the X Factor charity record Hero came on and it showed you all the soldiers going to war and the coffins coming home, Christian looked round at me and got up and left the room, I really struggled to hold it together as I could see the pain in his eyes. I went to see you Nan today she was really in a bad way, that is the worst she has been for a while it is so hard to visit her when she is like that, it plays with your head for days. Anyway Son I hope you and the boys had a great christmas I just wish it had been here. Miss you so so much son, Loads of love, Mum xxxxxxxxxxxxxx