Hi Baby, sorry it's been so long since I have been on here I just sometimes find it hard to come here I know that may sound bad but sometimes it is just to sore, it makes me angry that I can't sit down and talk to you like we used to instead I have to come on to your memorial and I just feel we have both been cheated you should be bringing your kids here asking me to watch them while you and your wife have a night out or maybe because you both would have worked, "you should just be here" sometimes I wonder why I am still here I spend most of my life being sad, because I miss you, I know I have the other three and the grand kids and I am so grateful I have them but sometimes it just isn't enough, I have had this pain and sadness for almost 16yrs now and some days it is just to much to bear I just want to see you, it will be your 37th birthday in a few days and I really don't know how I am going to get through it, I want to put your card in the post box, I want to bring your present to your home and see the twinkle in your eyes when you open it, you always loved getting pressies ,instead I will put them at your headstone, I just wish things had been different, I would do or give anything to have you here, but that isn't going to happen so I just have to wait for that day when I will come and find you, until then I will keep coming here and going to the church to hear your messages which I would be devastated without, you always seem to know when I need them the most and you never let me down and I love you so much for that. Going to go for now, will be back to speak to you on your birthday in a few days. Love and Miss you so much MUM xxxxxxxxx