It is almost 2yrs since I have added anything to my journal but I have just not been able to work on it, I have found things really difficult and just couldn't bear to put my self through the agony of having to take my thoughts back to that really dark time and place, but I feel I really have to make the effort to try and bring it up to date, so here goes. Things in the year after JP died were awful, I got up in the morning took Dean to school the days I wasn't working I went back home to the couch and usually didn't get off it till it was time to pick Dean up again, then I would go home and lie down again, if I could be bothered I would help Dean with his homework and then make his dinner, but if not it would be a takeaway or something thrown in the microwave, then back on to the couch, the days I was working it was work, cemetary, pick Dean up and then the same routine, back home to the couch, it must have been really awful for Dean, but he never complained he just used to curl up beside me on the couch, scared to leave my side, he was 6yrs old and had lost his brother and was scared he would lose me to, he even slept in my bed at night. Eventually his insecurities became so bad I finally had to take him to the doctor who refered hin to a child psycologist.